遇见 louis armstrong

今天，我遇见了louis,我们其实不认识对方，但，在我心底，一点都不觉得陌生，我们认识了很久...很久.他写出了我心里的感觉,不是快乐,不是悲伤,不是怒意,不是....那是没有文字记载的感觉,这都在他的音乐里. 他的音乐,不止记载了感觉, 还记载了背景,年代，时间,颜色,天气,温度,每一个人事物的轮廓,律动,frequency... 我对他的年代不陌生，他在我的年代也不觉得尴尬，还是那么随性的吹奏着他的喇叭， 一面用它沙哑混浊的声音，唱出了他的年代，唱出了他对生活的热情，唱出了我的感觉. 哈哈, loius， 找天咱们再喝喝咖啡，算我的， 只要你唱歌：）

a wonderful song : stumble - macy grey

Games, changes, and fears
When will they go from here?
When will they stop?
I believe that fate has brought us here
And we should be together, babe
But we're not

I play it off but I�m dreaming of you
And I'll keep my cool, but I�m feigning

I try to say goodbye and I choke
I try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it, it�s clear
My world crumbles when you are not near
Goodbye and I choke
I try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it, it�s clear
My world crumbles when you are not near

I may appear to be free
But I�m just a prisoner of your love
And I may seem all right and smile when you leave
But my smiles are just a front
Just a front, hey
I play it off, but I�m dreaming of you
And I�ll keep my cool but I�m feigning

I try to say goodbye and I choke (yeah)
I try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it, it�s clear
My world crumbles when you are not near
Goodbye and I choke (yeah)
I try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it, it�s clear
My world crumbles when you are not near

Here is my confession
May I be your possession?
Boy I need your touch
Your love, kisses and such
With all my might I try
But this I can�t deny
Deny

I play it off but I�m dreaming of you
(But I�m dreaming of you, babe)
And I�ll keep my cool, but I�m feigning

I try to say goodbye and I choke (yeah)
I try to walk away and I stumble (oh)
Though I try to hide it, it�s clear
My world crumbles when you are not near (ahh)
Goodbye and I choke (yeah, yeah, yeah)
I try to walk away and I stumble (hey, hey, hey)
Though I try to hide it, it�s clear (say it Lord)
My world crumbles when you are not near (Lord, the Lord kisses us)

Goodbye and I choke (I�m choking)
I try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it, it�s clear
My world crumbles when you are not near
(Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah)

心情 - 文字化

外面下着滂沱大雨 世界迷蒙了 地下的水花 跳跃着
我 践踏着草地上的积水 开心地 翩翩地 雀跃 舞动
我溶化了 在雨中 在风中 在草原上 我 已不存在 我 也永远地存在
我升华了 我飞了 自由自在 无拘无束 我 飞
我 是风
我 是雨
我 是阳光
我 是泥
我 是一切的绿
我 是世界

三月十二 雨

我很失望
我很难过
但我不想让他知道,我努力掩饰自己的情绪
因为我不要别人的愧疚补偿,对我来说,伤了…就是伤了…
在我最不能分心的时候,我…分心了
在这段感情里,我会不会只是他的理想伴侣,而不是生活上真正的伴侣?
我会不会只是个买了放着的漂亮花瓶?
有人在的时候我特别漂亮,对我爱不释手
没人在的时候,我……什么都不是
而这个花瓶的故事,没人知道,也没人在乎
今天,花瓶的底部出现了裂痕,可惜没人发现
只怕有一天,它耐不了,碎开了

greys' anatomy S05E13

greys' anatomy is always my favorite series.

after watching this episode, there was a torrent of feeling that swept my heart, just like my greys always do.
being in this profession, to be frank, i yet to know where this profession will lead my life to, not in the sense of carrier path, but my conscience, consciousness, mentality, feeling and satisfaction in life.
what is the responsibility of being a doctor? how broad and further does it encompass? when should i stop? i believe that there will be thousands of answer, or no answer i would say.
i have a kind of feeling like floating on the sea. i dun know where am i going, i dun know who is deciding my direction, the wind? the tide? or i am instinctively swimming towards somewhere i dun even know.
there is a decision that i need to make, working in singapore or malaysia. i thought i had made up my mind long ago. but now seems like the decision was yet to be firm. working as a doctor, what are the things that i want in my life? or how i want my life to be?
after sedimenting my mind, i realize that it is no longer a matter of what i want, but it is what i can do, for the poeple i love, and for the people who need me.
sounds like i am going to be a great one huh? am i?
i really hope that i will not lose myself along the way. If i do, i hope that i could find my way back.

Being a doctor... is a gift.

A lady to remember

i have a story to tell......
today i met a women in a palliative care unit.
she was a 39 year-old lady with a stage 4 breast cancer and severe lung metastasis.
she was very ill, cachetic and breathless and all her four limbs were deformed, may be due to decrease in joint movements, contractures were everywhere.
there was a story behind this lady..
she was a single mother with a 5 years old daughter.
the disease was diagnosed rather late and the prognosis was very poor.
after she knew that she could not live long enough to raise her own daughter, she arranged an adoption for her 5 years old daughter. the adoptive family was foriegners in one of the western country, if i was not mistaken.
today, the family promised to bring her daughter back to see her, because doctor predicted that she may not be able to live till next week.
while prof yip was doing consultation, she insisted to go home. because she said she did not want her daughter to see her in this condition. she was afraid that her daughter was not prepared to see her like this, with tubes and drips all over her body.
but the thing is, her condition was very critical and she needed hospital fascilities to support her life.
prof yip tried to persuade and reason out for her so that she would stay.
there were frustration, helplessness and tears.
this.... would be the last time her daughter see her mummy, she decided to undergo terminal sedation after she meet her daughter today. then she will fall into deep sleep, forever.
this lady, a great mother, may be forgotten, one day when her daughter grows up.
but this lady, will live in my heart, in my story.
and this is the best i can do.

this lady, her name, is... Berlinda

一封短讯

谢谢你听我说话和与我分析。
刚看了你给我的短讯。
其实我觉得你误会了我的意思。这一次不是一个一比一打平的局面，这一次他真的做错了。可能像你所说的那样，我们性格上很像，但这次，我真的把自己做得很好了。我问你我有没有做错什么，是因为我担心在我不知道的情况下我伤害了他，如果是那样，那我可能有原谅他的理由。现在我知道了，所以，我跨步向前的同时，我不会再回头看。
我没有欠他任何东西。这次是他弄疼了我，我选择了离开。绝对不是个一比一的局面。
我跟他是有不一样的地方的，而这些不一样的地方，是我很辛苦，挑战自己的自尊和自大，在你和其他人身上学回来的， 可能改变得不够快不够多，但我跟他，是有很大的差别的。