你可以不可以不要怕跟我聊天？拜托
什么鬼， 你再讲什么鬼哦
哈哈哈哈， 我说华语啊
我要生气了！ 你快点讲好好
OKOK我好好说， 陛下息怒
赶快说
那天你说你怕影响我跟他的感情， 所以我担心你怕跟我多聊。可能我想太多了
哦，真的， 我不想破坏任何人的感情
我明白
可是我没有害怕， 是担心
你不会
为什么。。。。。。（过了六分钟）无言了啦你
你不是一个随便的人， 你痛恨见异思迁，我也一样， 但真的， 很坦白地说，我很喜欢你，真的。我是很开心的，我也不敢碰你，因为那是对你的不尊重。想踹掉自己的头这几天。应该不应该，应该不应该，应该不应该，应该不应该。
笨蛋， 不要想太多，你一直都过得好好的
可以不可以有些地带是没有定义的，没有社会责任，没有应该不应该？ 天， 我竟然说了出口，完了。你应该很生气吧？妈的我在做什么。
我并不是你想象的好吧，我还蛮难搞的，我还蛮挑剔的。
你误会了。 我们才见面几次， 能知道对方多少？就只是很存粹的，开心。
很好，我喜欢单纯
对，就是开心。
笨蛋鬼
我不知道啦～ 很乱
不要乱啦，乖啦， 我也不想你不开心
明明很开心，又担心开心因为什么
哈哈哈
这样我们还可以聊吗？还可以见面吗？
我又没有不理你，你这是什么鬼问题哦？
我怕委屈你
我也没想委不委屈的问题
如果你有什么想法可以跟我分享
我不敢想，哈哈哈，也不懂从哪里开始
明白。如果我让你受委屈，请给我一拳。
不会影响你的工作吧？我不想影响你的生活。
不会，工作时很理智
我真的又不是谁，不会就好
那就别他妈的定义这个那个， 我在生气自己。
够了啦，我没事。你不要生气自己，我很好啦，你乖，不要我担心。
那就好，我说了松了一口气，一大块石头
笨蛋，怕我生气吗？
对，我怕就这样失联了
哈哈哈，笨蛋笨蛋。
饿了，去弄点东西吃，你弄给我？
i will if i can
有心就够了，嘻嘻
跟你说我今天可是一整天一直抓着手机但又不让自己打信息，三十几了还这样真是有够糟糕
你啊你，干嘛啦，就简讯我啊
我现在不会了
不要想了好吗？
没想了，解决了，开心了，很开心了。
Tuesday, July 21, 2015
Thursday, December 9, 2010
干！干！干！！！
发现身边的人生活里都有一些永远都无法完全填补的裂缝，重要的东西就像沙钟里的沙一样，一颗一颗的流逝。但仔细想想， 人生又有什么东西不是那样, 永恒不变？ 哈哈~ 就珍惜现在拥有的，享受过程，活在当下~~ 为拥有而庆祝， 为失去而干杯！！！！
Friday, September 10, 2010
Monday, August 16, 2010
livin in dark~
came across a fren's profile in facebook, a fren that i didn know who she was.
shocked by just seeing her pictures... that were amazing... words just couldn tell...
sometimes, i really wish that i could be one of them, living in the dark, living in "OWN" body, and never care about tomorrow, as if tomorrow never exist. being myself, never care, never think, let feeling, lust,desire run wild, evoke the inner limitless potential of mine, run, jump and fly ~ unstopable.
wat r the price that i am goin to pay? huh?
seriously asking myself, am i not paying now??? even now i am yet not being like them?
i will unleash myself one day, and when that day comes, i will shine like hell!!!!!!!!
she inspires me, she seduces me...
Monday, August 9, 2010
a beautiful lie
plane finally touched the land of sri langka, katherine mcphee's 'anybody's heart' playing in ears.
yeah.... i remember of him.
"the heart that u have broken is not just anybody's heart~"
"all i wanted just to feel safe... safe in ur arm~"
i am sad, a little, more like a feeling of unable to complete something that meant so much to me, meant so much to just carry on and people may worship and sing for us even we r no longer there, and all... is beyond my control.
i have done the best i could. helpless...
anyhow, i am still, standing alone on a land of stranger, being strong, alone.
that's a road that i couldn't travel till the end.well, i think i dun have a choice but to move on, to another direction.
that isn any hatred or anger. the memory i have, still filled my heart somewhere, it's beautiful, a beautiful lie.
i am just a fool, i know.
thankful to be together, and thankful to be apart at the end.
sri lanka, here i am.
yeah.... i remember of him.
"the heart that u have broken is not just anybody's heart~"
"all i wanted just to feel safe... safe in ur arm~"
i am sad, a little, more like a feeling of unable to complete something that meant so much to me, meant so much to just carry on and people may worship and sing for us even we r no longer there, and all... is beyond my control.
i have done the best i could. helpless...
anyhow, i am still, standing alone on a land of stranger, being strong, alone.
that's a road that i couldn't travel till the end.well, i think i dun have a choice but to move on, to another direction.
that isn any hatred or anger. the memory i have, still filled my heart somewhere, it's beautiful, a beautiful lie.
i am just a fool, i know.
thankful to be together, and thankful to be apart at the end.
sri lanka, here i am.
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Permanent
a 2nd song by eric carter hah to me
never could have thought that he actually know what and how i feel all this while when he is fighting for survival....
"Is this the moment where I look you in the eye?
Forgive my broken promise that you'll never see me cry.
And everything, it will surely change even if
I tell you I won't go away today
will u think that you're all alone
when no one's there to hold ur hand?
and all u know seems so far away
and everything is temporary rest ur head
i'm permanent
i know he's living in hell every single day
and so i ask oh god is there some way for me to take his place
and when they say it's all touch and go
i wish i could make it go away
but still u say
will u think that you're all alone
when no one's there to hold ur hand?
and all u know seems so far away
and everything is temporary rest ur head
i'm permanent
i'm permanent
Is this the moment where I look you in the eye?
Forgive my broken promise that you'll never see me cry...
never could have thought that he actually know what and how i feel all this while when he is fighting for survival....
"Is this the moment where I look you in the eye?
Forgive my broken promise that you'll never see me cry.
And everything, it will surely change even if
I tell you I won't go away today
will u think that you're all alone
when no one's there to hold ur hand?
and all u know seems so far away
and everything is temporary rest ur head
i'm permanent
i know he's living in hell every single day
and so i ask oh god is there some way for me to take his place
and when they say it's all touch and go
i wish i could make it go away
but still u say
will u think that you're all alone
when no one's there to hold ur hand?
and all u know seems so far away
and everything is temporary rest ur head
i'm permanent
i'm permanent
Is this the moment where I look you in the eye?
Forgive my broken promise that you'll never see me cry...
分手吧~ 哦~ 分手吧
陈伟华
我们做回朋友吧
也就是说 我放弃了我们之间的感情
给了那么多次机会， 最后还是一次又一次的伤害
分手吧 我不适合你 我不能接受你对感情的价值观
ric 知道的东西 我全都知道 他还有力气去和你争辩， 但我已没力气了， 我不想再这样辛苦地爱着你了
你是我这一辈子里对我撒最多谎的人 而我最痛恨的就是谎言， 而且是出自我爱的人口里 伤害更深
这一阵子 kenji告诉我所有的东西之后， 我什么都没说， 累了， 不想再去想为什么你还是要这样， 我只想好好过自己的生活， 照顾ric。 就这样。而且希望你能找份好工作， 所以到现在才提出分手。
与其整天在烦kenji几时才肯放过你， 何不自己洁身自爱， 坦荡荡做人， 哪怕人家重伤你。你停下来的时候， 就是kenji 消失的时候。至于谁是kenji ，你比谁都要清楚，它是一个曾经被你伤得很深的人。
不要再说我答应过什么， 我为你的付出已经远远超过你应得的！！！
不要再说你有多难过多委屈多痛苦， 那是你自己拿来的。别尝试和我讲道理， 只怕我现在一肚子的气爆发在你身上。
我跟你之间的感情， 今天就划上句号。
至于你和ric之间感情， 那是你们之间的事。不关我的事
来了新之后， 好好加油， 从新开始。
我们还是朋友，要是你还想要我这个朋友的话。
得空见面， 喝个茶无妨：）
珍重
占姆士
我们做回朋友吧
也就是说 我放弃了我们之间的感情
给了那么多次机会， 最后还是一次又一次的伤害
分手吧 我不适合你 我不能接受你对感情的价值观
ric 知道的东西 我全都知道 他还有力气去和你争辩， 但我已没力气了， 我不想再这样辛苦地爱着你了
你是我这一辈子里对我撒最多谎的人 而我最痛恨的就是谎言， 而且是出自我爱的人口里 伤害更深
这一阵子 kenji告诉我所有的东西之后， 我什么都没说， 累了， 不想再去想为什么你还是要这样， 我只想好好过自己的生活， 照顾ric。 就这样。而且希望你能找份好工作， 所以到现在才提出分手。
与其整天在烦kenji几时才肯放过你， 何不自己洁身自爱， 坦荡荡做人， 哪怕人家重伤你。你停下来的时候， 就是kenji 消失的时候。至于谁是kenji ，你比谁都要清楚，它是一个曾经被你伤得很深的人。
不要再说我答应过什么， 我为你的付出已经远远超过你应得的！！！
不要再说你有多难过多委屈多痛苦， 那是你自己拿来的。别尝试和我讲道理， 只怕我现在一肚子的气爆发在你身上。
我跟你之间的感情， 今天就划上句号。
至于你和ric之间感情， 那是你们之间的事。不关我的事
来了新之后， 好好加油， 从新开始。
我们还是朋友，要是你还想要我这个朋友的话。
得空见面， 喝个茶无妨：）
珍重
占姆士
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
RIC's words II
"nic didn go to see doctor cause of limited funds. i am collecting some debts my fren owe me. if she unable to pay back i may need to loan some from u 1st. i will be able to pay ya back on the first of august when i get paid. just need bout 200 bucks or less. i dun wan him 2 stress up for it. it's theleast i can do. out of ways now."
"watever! anyway dear. it's beyond the words i can say. 我是你的人了！哈哈~ anyway dear... u know~ i am so late.bus isn't here yet. i am walking out to old klang road now. tired~"
"i still wanna work k so dun curse me la dear~ i am gonna have an angel tattoo. cuz ya my angel~LOL gonna be busy drawingtoday"
"i will always be there no matter where i may be~"
"i really miss ya dear... really..."
"morning dear, sukhihontu- may the triple gems be with u. namo porte sa-to akhante maya i-te bagha wa~ happy new moon~"
"must be a busy day for ya, just wanna tell ya i'm missing ya. huggs~"
"honestly i am not well today, pain is unusual.... but still ok here..."
"why always make me cry de dear...?"
"dear... it's really touching to hear that. that's actually why i wanna have taht angel on me. cuz ya too. why are our mentality wave so alike? and ya mouth sweet till~~~haha. but i know. it's from ur heart~"
"no. you did not. at least i am not in a grey zone too. i even will cherish wat we have now. even more. iam glad that u told me. i really am."
"hugs~u never fail to put a smile on my face."
"dear, my pain is terrible. i wish to talk to ya. but i cant talk properly. dun worry bout me k? ya rest well k? i promise tofight to the end for ya."
"T.T dear... if this continue how would i tel u next time when i am in pain? i promise i will be ok. and i will be. i dun promise. just like u. i am playing with gene now."
"dear, i am not leaving u, that was my initial plan. ya know how hard is it for me today? do ya know how much i wanna be by ur sidenow? how much i am struggling inside? i cam't deny, i love ya now. i love nicholas too. ya know what happen when benny call? i know ya not happy, i am not happy too dear. i am really not. i dun know what is going to happen. but seriously i hate my life now. every part of it"
"good night :) i hope everyday. i do wish to spend that time with ya too. i love you~ hug~"
to be cont~
"watever! anyway dear. it's beyond the words i can say. 我是你的人了！哈哈~ anyway dear... u know~ i am so late.bus isn't here yet. i am walking out to old klang road now. tired~"
"i still wanna work k so dun curse me la dear~ i am gonna have an angel tattoo. cuz ya my angel~LOL gonna be busy drawingtoday"
"i will always be there no matter where i may be~"
"i really miss ya dear... really..."
"morning dear, sukhihontu- may the triple gems be with u. namo porte sa-to akhante maya i-te bagha wa~ happy new moon~"
"must be a busy day for ya, just wanna tell ya i'm missing ya. huggs~"
"honestly i am not well today, pain is unusual.... but still ok here..."
"why always make me cry de dear...?"
"dear... it's really touching to hear that. that's actually why i wanna have taht angel on me. cuz ya too. why are our mentality wave so alike? and ya mouth sweet till~~~haha. but i know. it's from ur heart~"
"no. you did not. at least i am not in a grey zone too. i even will cherish wat we have now. even more. iam glad that u told me. i really am."
"hugs~u never fail to put a smile on my face."
"dear, my pain is terrible. i wish to talk to ya. but i cant talk properly. dun worry bout me k? ya rest well k? i promise tofight to the end for ya."
"T.T dear... if this continue how would i tel u next time when i am in pain? i promise i will be ok. and i will be. i dun promise. just like u. i am playing with gene now."
"dear, i am not leaving u, that was my initial plan. ya know how hard is it for me today? do ya know how much i wanna be by ur sidenow? how much i am struggling inside? i cam't deny, i love ya now. i love nicholas too. ya know what happen when benny call? i know ya not happy, i am not happy too dear. i am really not. i dun know what is going to happen. but seriously i hate my life now. every part of it"
"good night :) i hope everyday. i do wish to spend that time with ya too. i love you~ hug~"
to be cont~
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
a song... for me
I never knew i could feel like this
like i've never seen the sky before
when u sing out this song
u are my heavenly bliss
everyday i'll love u more and more
will i begin to live again
the pain in my heart hurts so steadily
but all is gone when i see you smile
baby i love u till the end of time
if there is a place i wanna be
i'm always by ur side
holding u close to me
and let our love soar so high
why do i feel so weak
u have got me into deep
u r living in my dream
and i always know u got me where u want me
i've been feeling lost
cant find the words to say
spending all my time
stuck in yesterday
where u are is where i wanna be
oh next to u.... and u next to me
by eric carter hah
like i've never seen the sky before
when u sing out this song
u are my heavenly bliss
everyday i'll love u more and more
will i begin to live again
the pain in my heart hurts so steadily
but all is gone when i see you smile
baby i love u till the end of time
if there is a place i wanna be
i'm always by ur side
holding u close to me
and let our love soar so high
why do i feel so weak
u have got me into deep
u r living in my dream
and i always know u got me where u want me
i've been feeling lost
cant find the words to say
spending all my time
stuck in yesterday
where u are is where i wanna be
oh next to u.... and u next to me
by eric carter hah
Thursday, July 23, 2009
julie 7
Dear James,
life here is ok. things are so different being a consultant and a sister in OT. much easier job but different. trying to get use to it. but in other words its ok.
I'm not surprise to get a long reply from you. it is no right and wrong being in love. remember what is the buddha's teaching. compassion. to give to share. that is what makes our will to live and to learn. we are born to suffer. but in what way you see it? everyone is meant to learn. in buddhism, we learn not blindly but from daily life. don't feel lost. you say that you are complete now. so use this as your weapon to sharpen your goal to leave samsara. have faith in yourself. it is not wrong. I know eric knows what's best for both of you. have faith. let time unfold the answers. it's our karma that bring all of you together. let the fruit ripen itself. don't think you are lost. you're not. just a state of confusion. give it time alright?
as for the insurance. I think all of us should see what is eric trying to do. don't worry about it. give nicholas a chance to learn as well. I think no matter what he will learn something. I just hope he would just not live with regret. I now am having faith in eric and his choices. I do not want to know what those email meant anymore. I think he is big enough to handle everything. I know I'll be there if ever he is hurt and sad. I'm still receiving those emails and I do not bother to read it anymore.
james, to love is always this way. you will feel nothing but the person you love. there is no more "myself" there. it is a great thing to love. a giver and a receiver is different in so many ways. pro and con. this is life. I know what is your purpose in life. we all know ourselves. I'll always be here if you need anyone to talk. I do hope to hear from you again.
love
julie.
life here is ok. things are so different being a consultant and a sister in OT. much easier job but different. trying to get use to it. but in other words its ok.
I'm not surprise to get a long reply from you. it is no right and wrong being in love. remember what is the buddha's teaching. compassion. to give to share. that is what makes our will to live and to learn. we are born to suffer. but in what way you see it? everyone is meant to learn. in buddhism, we learn not blindly but from daily life. don't feel lost. you say that you are complete now. so use this as your weapon to sharpen your goal to leave samsara. have faith in yourself. it is not wrong. I know eric knows what's best for both of you. have faith. let time unfold the answers. it's our karma that bring all of you together. let the fruit ripen itself. don't think you are lost. you're not. just a state of confusion. give it time alright?
as for the insurance. I think all of us should see what is eric trying to do. don't worry about it. give nicholas a chance to learn as well. I think no matter what he will learn something. I just hope he would just not live with regret. I now am having faith in eric and his choices. I do not want to know what those email meant anymore. I think he is big enough to handle everything. I know I'll be there if ever he is hurt and sad. I'm still receiving those emails and I do not bother to read it anymore.
james, to love is always this way. you will feel nothing but the person you love. there is no more "myself" there. it is a great thing to love. a giver and a receiver is different in so many ways. pro and con. this is life. I know what is your purpose in life. we all know ourselves. I'll always be here if you need anyone to talk. I do hope to hear from you again.
love
julie.
a confession to julie
dear julie,
how r u? how's life goin?
life is like riding a roller coaster here
all these while has been thinking of writing u and asking for advice but, just cant stop and think properly.
julie... a lot of things had happened. should or shouldn... i am lost sometimes, i dun know.
have been following my heart all these while, let my feeling go wild and wild, do watever i think i should do and want to do.
i am closer and closer to ric now... and i found that i am more and more attached to him, which i think i shouldn. i made myself very clear that i just wan him to be happy, no matter wat he decide to do.
he is a gift in my life
he taught me how to love someone, love can be so selfless and unconditioned and brave...
i realise that all these while when i was with nic, i was kind of afraid to give, because i was so afraid to be hurt at the end.
love is never a shame.... his thinking and actions told me that
i slept with him that night, nic was not around, i mean we only sleep on the same bed (dun get me wrong). that was a very long talk. in the middle of the night, i saw him in great pain, shivering. trying to hide the pain from my notice. suddenly~ i think my mind changed, my life changed, everything after that changed. i have changed, becoming a better person i guess. i know how hard he is goin tru all these while, and i realise how hard nicholas has been coping with the feeling of helplessness and frustration. nic couldn do anything, so do i, i am so helpless that moment. my tears no longer stay in my eye. i just hold him very very tightly, let him feel my grip and heartbeat. and " i'm here ric, u r not alone, let's go thru this together" this is the message that i convey, and i think this is the best thing that i can do.
on the day i returned to singapore after visiting him, i told him that i am in love with him, and i make myself very clear that my love to him is unconditioned, purely one way. i dun wan anything from him,i dun wan any return. i just wanna be as brave as him, to live to love, to live to give, and to live to share. i dun know how real my feeling is... i just follow my heart. i really wish that he could live and be with nicholas, happily ever after, and i will walk away, leaving all my blessings behind to 2 people that i've ever love in my life.
i have him julie, in my heart. i am completed.
one day he told me that he left nicholas all his life insurance money, and he wanted me to manage the fund. i was kind of in shock.
i dun know the money will help nicholas or ruin him at the end. i am worried. his banker is drafting a policy to make everything under control, but i still feel that will bring more harm than help in nic's life.
nic is kind of person that has no strong moral or religion stand. desire can be overwhelming, overriding all the values we keep.and discipline is a big issue for him.
that is why i am worry.
nic does not need those money for living i guess. i will take care of him for the rest of my life.
i talked to him regarding my worries, he noted. i really dun know how it'll turn up. hopefully everything will be fine.
i dun think about future now, cause we r having "now", i just wanna have faith : )
there are coming singapore to visit me this weekend. we r goin to zoo and having his favourite cheesy fries:)
and we r goin to get a tattoo together in august during my convocation break.
there is hope everyday, there is love everyday, there is sharing everyday, and there is no secret for even a single second. this is my life now julie. and it keep me moving : )
julie, thanks for everything. i dun know why i say so but, i am so thankful, for having him in my life.
hope to hear from u soon
loves,
james
how r u? how's life goin?
life is like riding a roller coaster here
all these while has been thinking of writing u and asking for advice but, just cant stop and think properly.
julie... a lot of things had happened. should or shouldn... i am lost sometimes, i dun know.
have been following my heart all these while, let my feeling go wild and wild, do watever i think i should do and want to do.
i am closer and closer to ric now... and i found that i am more and more attached to him, which i think i shouldn. i made myself very clear that i just wan him to be happy, no matter wat he decide to do.
he is a gift in my life
he taught me how to love someone, love can be so selfless and unconditioned and brave...
i realise that all these while when i was with nic, i was kind of afraid to give, because i was so afraid to be hurt at the end.
love is never a shame.... his thinking and actions told me that
i slept with him that night, nic was not around, i mean we only sleep on the same bed (dun get me wrong). that was a very long talk. in the middle of the night, i saw him in great pain, shivering. trying to hide the pain from my notice. suddenly~ i think my mind changed, my life changed, everything after that changed. i have changed, becoming a better person i guess. i know how hard he is goin tru all these while, and i realise how hard nicholas has been coping with the feeling of helplessness and frustration. nic couldn do anything, so do i, i am so helpless that moment. my tears no longer stay in my eye. i just hold him very very tightly, let him feel my grip and heartbeat. and " i'm here ric, u r not alone, let's go thru this together" this is the message that i convey, and i think this is the best thing that i can do.
on the day i returned to singapore after visiting him, i told him that i am in love with him, and i make myself very clear that my love to him is unconditioned, purely one way. i dun wan anything from him,i dun wan any return. i just wanna be as brave as him, to live to love, to live to give, and to live to share. i dun know how real my feeling is... i just follow my heart. i really wish that he could live and be with nicholas, happily ever after, and i will walk away, leaving all my blessings behind to 2 people that i've ever love in my life.
i have him julie, in my heart. i am completed.
one day he told me that he left nicholas all his life insurance money, and he wanted me to manage the fund. i was kind of in shock.
i dun know the money will help nicholas or ruin him at the end. i am worried. his banker is drafting a policy to make everything under control, but i still feel that will bring more harm than help in nic's life.
nic is kind of person that has no strong moral or religion stand. desire can be overwhelming, overriding all the values we keep.and discipline is a big issue for him.
that is why i am worry.
nic does not need those money for living i guess. i will take care of him for the rest of my life.
i talked to him regarding my worries, he noted. i really dun know how it'll turn up. hopefully everything will be fine.
i dun think about future now, cause we r having "now", i just wanna have faith : )
there are coming singapore to visit me this weekend. we r goin to zoo and having his favourite cheesy fries:)
and we r goin to get a tattoo together in august during my convocation break.
there is hope everyday, there is love everyday, there is sharing everyday, and there is no secret for even a single second. this is my life now julie. and it keep me moving : )
julie, thanks for everything. i dun know why i say so but, i am so thankful, for having him in my life.
hope to hear from u soon
loves,
james
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
RIC's words
"dear james. i really do wanted to go up and say hi and wish u happy bday yesterday. but at a point there is reallywill be awkward for both of u and nic. no matterwat it is i cant promise u how long i can handle this but like i told u b4, i will do wat i am supposed to and everything will be back to point one. no matter wat i really wish u well and happy birthday"
"no matter wat i will make everything in place at well for him b4 i walk out. dun worry. ths i would promise u. everything in his life would be well when the days comes. in all aspects. there won't be anything that he need to worry anymore."
"james, it's not about moving on or not. no matter how it really will feel unless u call urself not human.u wan me to be happy. i wan u to be happy too. i hope u understand my stand for u. i really we both can be happy from the inner self. i know we can do it"
" a great morning to a busy u, keep on smiling"
"another beautiful day, surely you got tired but gonna be back home. smile my dear fren"
"i do not know how can i really express my gratitude and emotions that spending time talking and sharing ideas. will miss u a lot bro... from my heart. i am glad to know u. really wish we had more time."
"it's been a long time since i have this kind of feeling that a fren who i can share life with. i never tot i would find one in malaysia. rest well and safe journey tomorrow. night.
"missing u already bro.."
" seems like more and more things interlink us. i have this very stupid idea. i hope to collaborate with u, working on a song."
"there is nothing such as diferrences or level in music. music is from the heart. and i know we both share one samething from the heart that may lead to a very beautiful song. just say yes my dear. ur talent is really raw andu will be much better than any of us"
"i am sorry, i didn mean anything. but if u need anything just let me know, i will be there."
"i mean i didn mean to put u into this position. i am really sorry. i do realise this somehow. in a way, may be i am just alone without fren to brag. in a way, i know wat you mean and i do feel that too which make me feeling helpless. anyway let;s just dun think about it and we'll be there for each other whenever we need."
"hey, i know whenever u talk to me there is a kinda sour in your voice. my dear dun worry. i will live on. this is too short forme to short for me to know u. i will be ok. for all of u dun feel sad or anything k. i wish everyone i care and love to be happy and well. please be happy ok?"
"dear, just remember, no matterwat is at the end. celebrate my life without tears. hugss.."
"i dun even know how true the feelings we share together, but in many ways, i really know how u feel. love is something to share. dear, i really wanted both of u to be happy. that's all i want. if ever i did something bad to him i just want u to know i have my reasons. nicholas will always be someone i really love in this life. i am willing to do anythingjust to see him smile. and james, if there is a chance in this life or next life. u r an ideal partner to be with and to really love withoutfeeling the insecurity. cause i do feel safe whenever i talk to u. love ya dear~ i gotta delete this if he happens to see this. lol~"
"i feel very painful after saying hurting words to him. bro i felt empty today. had a bad dream. i am kinda not stable on my emotion. feel like i am about to explode. but dun worry i am ok.james, ya words really touched my heart."
"dear, i had a great weekend with ya,even it's only one night, i felt really safe and loved. i will miss ya so much. love ya. thanks for that memmory. no matter where i will be. take good care of urself :)"
"i am missing u now, with a heavy heart. i shall see u soon dear."
"dun day sorry, dun feel guilty,i am feeling the same. i am puzzled myself. will tell ya more soon."
"just feel like giving u a smile to lift up ur mood. just saw ya status and my guess was right. lol. bro... i am running out of energy. i amgoin out alone later. just need a break myself"
“things is ok. but pain is really bad today since last night. een the new medication is not working. but things are fine. i will never forget to smile when you in my mind"
"dun worry dear, i told u i am used to it. i will be ok. i am working usual. i wish i can see ya too. ur voice singing is my oain relief so dun worry k:)"
"dear, i know u sounded kinda frus but just smile. for a great future. no matter where i will be. i will be with ya. hugss"
"everyday when i open my eyes, i will be thinking the suppose of my breath. every moment, every minute, can't seen to take a step forward. life is enduring my breath, love is embracing my heart. lust is defeating itself, nuturing the moment in life. for it's beauty magnifying every hostility... thine our heart, shares, forever thine, forever mine, forever ours~"
" saying... i miss you. the memory with me now is a move i wanna take, to breath every moment in this life. for u for me and forus. smile... hugss"
"i really wish i am able to be there when ya feeling lonely and scared. i wish i am there to share ur dark times and not to walk alone. i will always be there.
"remembering u hold me right. go tomorrow morning light. i hope to find you. when i awoke shining for u and me. all i ever want to be safe and warm, in your arms. all i have from the heart of me. i am always there with u."
"dear, i am telling ya cuz i just trust u k? i dun wish him to know wat i am doin. i am honest with ya. i can sustain everything but i dunno how to sustain our love. i am broken~ but dun worry. it's a good day. i know i will be ok soon. dun forget to smile dear. a great day today~"
"thanks for ya offer but no thanks. i have given up all my pride to love him. let me be and gimme me some pride now. i really have nothing. i just wanna be strong for myself too."
"dark star crashes. pouring its light into ashes. reason tatters the force tears loose from the axis. search light casting for faults in the clouds me delusion. shall we go u and i while we can. thru the transition nightfall of diamond. mirror shatters in formless reflection me matter. glass hand dissolving to ice petals flowers revolving. shall we go, u and i while we can?through... i know we can as our only connection is our heart."
"i really dun know dear. but let my karma show me how it will be. dear... i know for me it's hard too. but life is uncertain, death is certain. we strive to leave samsara. have faith. that's wat i am holding on now dear~"
"for now can we let it be? i dun want u hate urself but i want u happy. for now can we do it dear?"
"and please never say sorry to me. like ya said, love like there is no tomorrow. live today to the fullest. for u for me and for us at least."
"dear, all u have to know is i will always be there whenever u need. i just want u to know no matter what, ur happiness meant a lot to me."
"standing underneath the dark sky. as cloudy as it could be. looking for a bright star. calm breeze crease my skin. a memory thatlies within. u shine like the star which i couldn see~"
"i'm with u, u must be superbly tired. but remember this. forever thine, forevermine, forever ours~"
"i'll be ok, i just hope that one day he would not be ashamed of me as his bf. i dun wan him to accept it now and then. just hope when time comes he is ready i will only officially b his partner in life. give him time. i guess u know when se youngcommented on the status. i will wait and be happy."
"~till now i have been intro to his fren as someone imprtant. anyway it doensn really matter la.i'm ok. just the pain caused me tp think weird things. i really need an attitude adjustment. dear, if i am single and ready,u will always be my choice to be with. "
" so from tomorrow onwards no more thanks and sorry from u k? just come clean with watever you feel. i cherish wat is btw us very much."
" i think nic is due to stress as well, do ask him to go for a stress test or so. he wouldn listen to me. i'm really worried about him. all his mind now is keep trying to make my life wonderful and memorable. i do think he is trying too had.i just hop he will be fine."
...... to be cont in RIC's words 2
"no matter wat i will make everything in place at well for him b4 i walk out. dun worry. ths i would promise u. everything in his life would be well when the days comes. in all aspects. there won't be anything that he need to worry anymore."
"james, it's not about moving on or not. no matter how it really will feel unless u call urself not human.u wan me to be happy. i wan u to be happy too. i hope u understand my stand for u. i really we both can be happy from the inner self. i know we can do it"
" a great morning to a busy u, keep on smiling"
"another beautiful day, surely you got tired but gonna be back home. smile my dear fren"
"i do not know how can i really express my gratitude and emotions that spending time talking and sharing ideas. will miss u a lot bro... from my heart. i am glad to know u. really wish we had more time."
"it's been a long time since i have this kind of feeling that a fren who i can share life with. i never tot i would find one in malaysia. rest well and safe journey tomorrow. night.
"missing u already bro.."
" seems like more and more things interlink us. i have this very stupid idea. i hope to collaborate with u, working on a song."
"there is nothing such as diferrences or level in music. music is from the heart. and i know we both share one samething from the heart that may lead to a very beautiful song. just say yes my dear. ur talent is really raw andu will be much better than any of us"
"i am sorry, i didn mean anything. but if u need anything just let me know, i will be there."
"i mean i didn mean to put u into this position. i am really sorry. i do realise this somehow. in a way, may be i am just alone without fren to brag. in a way, i know wat you mean and i do feel that too which make me feeling helpless. anyway let;s just dun think about it and we'll be there for each other whenever we need."
"hey, i know whenever u talk to me there is a kinda sour in your voice. my dear dun worry. i will live on. this is too short forme to short for me to know u. i will be ok. for all of u dun feel sad or anything k. i wish everyone i care and love to be happy and well. please be happy ok?"
"dear, just remember, no matterwat is at the end. celebrate my life without tears. hugss.."
"i dun even know how true the feelings we share together, but in many ways, i really know how u feel. love is something to share. dear, i really wanted both of u to be happy. that's all i want. if ever i did something bad to him i just want u to know i have my reasons. nicholas will always be someone i really love in this life. i am willing to do anythingjust to see him smile. and james, if there is a chance in this life or next life. u r an ideal partner to be with and to really love withoutfeeling the insecurity. cause i do feel safe whenever i talk to u. love ya dear~ i gotta delete this if he happens to see this. lol~"
"i feel very painful after saying hurting words to him. bro i felt empty today. had a bad dream. i am kinda not stable on my emotion. feel like i am about to explode. but dun worry i am ok.james, ya words really touched my heart."
"dear, i had a great weekend with ya,even it's only one night, i felt really safe and loved. i will miss ya so much. love ya. thanks for that memmory. no matter where i will be. take good care of urself :)"
"i am missing u now, with a heavy heart. i shall see u soon dear."
"dun day sorry, dun feel guilty,i am feeling the same. i am puzzled myself. will tell ya more soon."
"just feel like giving u a smile to lift up ur mood. just saw ya status and my guess was right. lol. bro... i am running out of energy. i amgoin out alone later. just need a break myself"
“things is ok. but pain is really bad today since last night. een the new medication is not working. but things are fine. i will never forget to smile when you in my mind"
"dun worry dear, i told u i am used to it. i will be ok. i am working usual. i wish i can see ya too. ur voice singing is my oain relief so dun worry k:)"
"dear, i know u sounded kinda frus but just smile. for a great future. no matter where i will be. i will be with ya. hugss"
"everyday when i open my eyes, i will be thinking the suppose of my breath. every moment, every minute, can't seen to take a step forward. life is enduring my breath, love is embracing my heart. lust is defeating itself, nuturing the moment in life. for it's beauty magnifying every hostility... thine our heart, shares, forever thine, forever mine, forever ours~"
" saying... i miss you. the memory with me now is a move i wanna take, to breath every moment in this life. for u for me and forus. smile... hugss"
"i really wish i am able to be there when ya feeling lonely and scared. i wish i am there to share ur dark times and not to walk alone. i will always be there.
"remembering u hold me right. go tomorrow morning light. i hope to find you. when i awoke shining for u and me. all i ever want to be safe and warm, in your arms. all i have from the heart of me. i am always there with u."
"dear, i am telling ya cuz i just trust u k? i dun wish him to know wat i am doin. i am honest with ya. i can sustain everything but i dunno how to sustain our love. i am broken~ but dun worry. it's a good day. i know i will be ok soon. dun forget to smile dear. a great day today~"
"thanks for ya offer but no thanks. i have given up all my pride to love him. let me be and gimme me some pride now. i really have nothing. i just wanna be strong for myself too."
"dark star crashes. pouring its light into ashes. reason tatters the force tears loose from the axis. search light casting for faults in the clouds me delusion. shall we go u and i while we can. thru the transition nightfall of diamond. mirror shatters in formless reflection me matter. glass hand dissolving to ice petals flowers revolving. shall we go, u and i while we can?through... i know we can as our only connection is our heart."
"i really dun know dear. but let my karma show me how it will be. dear... i know for me it's hard too. but life is uncertain, death is certain. we strive to leave samsara. have faith. that's wat i am holding on now dear~"
"for now can we let it be? i dun want u hate urself but i want u happy. for now can we do it dear?"
"and please never say sorry to me. like ya said, love like there is no tomorrow. live today to the fullest. for u for me and for us at least."
"dear, all u have to know is i will always be there whenever u need. i just want u to know no matter what, ur happiness meant a lot to me."
"standing underneath the dark sky. as cloudy as it could be. looking for a bright star. calm breeze crease my skin. a memory thatlies within. u shine like the star which i couldn see~"
"i'm with u, u must be superbly tired. but remember this. forever thine, forevermine, forever ours~"
"i'll be ok, i just hope that one day he would not be ashamed of me as his bf. i dun wan him to accept it now and then. just hope when time comes he is ready i will only officially b his partner in life. give him time. i guess u know when se youngcommented on the status. i will wait and be happy."
"~till now i have been intro to his fren as someone imprtant. anyway it doensn really matter la.i'm ok. just the pain caused me tp think weird things. i really need an attitude adjustment. dear, if i am single and ready,u will always be my choice to be with. "
" so from tomorrow onwards no more thanks and sorry from u k? just come clean with watever you feel. i cherish wat is btw us very much."
" i think nic is due to stress as well, do ask him to go for a stress test or so. he wouldn listen to me. i'm really worried about him. all his mind now is keep trying to make my life wonderful and memorable. i do think he is trying too had.i just hop he will be fine."
...... to be cont in RIC's words 2
三个人
爱上了瑞
还爱着尼
三个彼此相爱的人 为什么不能在一起
爱情世界里 就只能容下两个人吗？
我不知道 谁能告诉我
我和瑞，彼此都深爱着尼
我和瑞的感情，却又那么的真实
我和他的心，是相映的
我和他的默契，是无缝的
我可以说他还没说出口的话
他可以做我即将要做的事
我们彼此都很珍惜对方
我们的爱 没有一丝的占有
我们 一起计划尼的未来
我们 一起深爱着他
瑞教会了我很多东西
爱一个人 原来可以这样
爱 可以这样不顾一切
爱 可以跨越生死
爱 可以这么没有范围 没有约束 没有自己
我之前对尼的爱 太自私了 永远不敢给太多 因为怕被伤害
“我爱上了你” 终于在那天晚上，说了出口
我没有希望得到什么， 我更没有想要和他在一起
我只是想让他知道 我爱他
是他让我明白 爱是怎么一回事
love is never a shame
是他给我勇气 再去爱一个人
我对他的爱 并不可耻
原来他的感觉和想法 和我一样
我们心里都知道 我们不会在一起 但...我们却不会再分开
我不知道怎么说 那种感觉....
我们约好下辈子再相遇 下下辈子 再相遇 再相遇 再相遇
我 同时爱上了两个人
以前都觉得那是不可能的事 但 我真的爱上了两个人
那天晚上 我们三个人排坐在沙发上, 瑞在中间
忽然看着前面电视机里我们三个人的倒影 骤然发现...
这一边 我和瑞有着属于我们的爱情故事
那一边 尼 和瑞有着属于他们自己的爱情故事
而当瑞走开的时候 尼把头依了过来 吻了我...
看着倒影... 我们... 有着我们自己的爱情故事....
我 怎么啦
我们 怎么啦
我... 吓哭了
因为 我不再知道 发生了什么事
我不认识当下的空间 当下的世界
我 双脚碰不到底 莫名的恐慌
崩溃了
在我们的世界里 三个人不能在一起吗?
在我们的世界里....
三个人...
...不能在一起吗?
你们两个好好的活着 彼此相爱 快快乐乐的过生活 白头偕老
这是我每晚临睡前的祷告
我不在故事里 又有谁在乎
我会像一棵大树 永远都在同一个地方 守护着你们
好好地活下去
请你们 好好地活下去
还爱着尼
三个彼此相爱的人 为什么不能在一起
爱情世界里 就只能容下两个人吗？
我不知道 谁能告诉我
我和瑞，彼此都深爱着尼
我和瑞的感情，却又那么的真实
我和他的心，是相映的
我和他的默契，是无缝的
我可以说他还没说出口的话
他可以做我即将要做的事
我们彼此都很珍惜对方
我们的爱 没有一丝的占有
我们 一起计划尼的未来
我们 一起深爱着他
瑞教会了我很多东西
爱一个人 原来可以这样
爱 可以这样不顾一切
爱 可以跨越生死
爱 可以这么没有范围 没有约束 没有自己
我之前对尼的爱 太自私了 永远不敢给太多 因为怕被伤害
“我爱上了你” 终于在那天晚上，说了出口
我没有希望得到什么， 我更没有想要和他在一起
我只是想让他知道 我爱他
是他让我明白 爱是怎么一回事
love is never a shame
是他给我勇气 再去爱一个人
我对他的爱 并不可耻
原来他的感觉和想法 和我一样
我们心里都知道 我们不会在一起 但...我们却不会再分开
我不知道怎么说 那种感觉....
我们约好下辈子再相遇 下下辈子 再相遇 再相遇 再相遇
我 同时爱上了两个人
以前都觉得那是不可能的事 但 我真的爱上了两个人
那天晚上 我们三个人排坐在沙发上, 瑞在中间
忽然看着前面电视机里我们三个人的倒影 骤然发现...
这一边 我和瑞有着属于我们的爱情故事
那一边 尼 和瑞有着属于他们自己的爱情故事
而当瑞走开的时候 尼把头依了过来 吻了我...
看着倒影... 我们... 有着我们自己的爱情故事....
我 怎么啦
我们 怎么啦
我... 吓哭了
因为 我不再知道 发生了什么事
我不认识当下的空间 当下的世界
我 双脚碰不到底 莫名的恐慌
崩溃了
在我们的世界里 三个人不能在一起吗?
在我们的世界里....
三个人...
...不能在一起吗?
你们两个好好的活着 彼此相爱 快快乐乐的过生活 白头偕老
这是我每晚临睡前的祷告
我不在故事里 又有谁在乎
我会像一棵大树 永远都在同一个地方 守护着你们
好好地活下去
请你们 好好地活下去
Monday, July 6, 2009
瑞
瑞
悄悄的 出现在我的生命里
他在我生命里所带来的那股冲击,真的让我有点措手不及.
他一寸一寸地占据我心里的那片土地
而他所占据的那些... 都不知不觉长满了绿油油的青草,和白色的小野花.
天空 很蓝
风 无拘无束
我的心 是平静的
他让我感觉到安全 让我能完完全全的 卸下盔甲 闭上眼睛 安心的入睡
谢谢你 瑞
答应我 不要害怕 我永远在你身边 就像大树一样 永远在同一个地方 守候着你
悄悄的 出现在我的生命里
他在我生命里所带来的那股冲击,真的让我有点措手不及.
他一寸一寸地占据我心里的那片土地
而他所占据的那些... 都不知不觉长满了绿油油的青草,和白色的小野花.
天空 很蓝
风 无拘无束
我的心 是平静的
他让我感觉到安全 让我能完完全全的 卸下盔甲 闭上眼睛 安心的入睡
谢谢你 瑞
答应我 不要害怕 我永远在你身边 就像大树一样 永远在同一个地方 守候着你
Thursday, June 25, 2009
三角恋
故事一直都还没结束....
瑞(ric)走进了我的生活，他撼动了我的人生观，尼之前说的话，尼的改变，我渐渐开始明白... 为什么
我, 站在瑞的角度看未来与人生
我, 站在尼的角度看责任与感情
我, 站在自己的角度看付出与宽恕
我们...都模糊了
我们...都闭上了眼睛,跟着心底最深的那把声音一直走到今天
瑞要他自己抓着剩下的每分每秒,好好爱他,不管未来会怎样,未来有多远
尼要他自己什么都暂时放下,好好让他度过剩下的日子,甚至离开他爱的人
而我却从来都没有放弃自己爱的人,不管他犯了什么错,都不停地付出和体谅
瑞和我现在是好朋友
我和尼以前是情人
尼和瑞现在是伴侣
我们三个人,现在就这样的活着
三个人的坚持就这样构成了暂时的平衡
瑞得不到他爱的人的爱
尼得不到他爱的人的爱
我也得不到我爱的人的爱
我们,都做错了吗?
三个来自不同世界的人,就这样在生命里相互碰出了火花,
他家都受伤了... 但却依然坚持到底,为爱而生,为爱而死.
没有对,也没有错,只是随着生命的洪流,澎湃地攒动,勇敢地起舞
故事,总有结束的一天
而那一天,也就是瑞离开我们的那一天
在这一秒钟,我希望瑞可以好好的活着, 而我...也不会再坚持...
瑞(ric)走进了我的生活，他撼动了我的人生观，尼之前说的话，尼的改变，我渐渐开始明白... 为什么
我, 站在瑞的角度看未来与人生
我, 站在尼的角度看责任与感情
我, 站在自己的角度看付出与宽恕
我们...都模糊了
我们...都闭上了眼睛,跟着心底最深的那把声音一直走到今天
瑞要他自己抓着剩下的每分每秒,好好爱他,不管未来会怎样,未来有多远
尼要他自己什么都暂时放下,好好让他度过剩下的日子,甚至离开他爱的人
而我却从来都没有放弃自己爱的人,不管他犯了什么错,都不停地付出和体谅
瑞和我现在是好朋友
我和尼以前是情人
尼和瑞现在是伴侣
我们三个人,现在就这样的活着
三个人的坚持就这样构成了暂时的平衡
瑞得不到他爱的人的爱
尼得不到他爱的人的爱
我也得不到我爱的人的爱
我们,都做错了吗?
三个来自不同世界的人,就这样在生命里相互碰出了火花,
他家都受伤了... 但却依然坚持到底,为爱而生,为爱而死.
没有对,也没有错,只是随着生命的洪流,澎湃地攒动,勇敢地起舞
故事,总有结束的一天
而那一天,也就是瑞离开我们的那一天
在这一秒钟,我希望瑞可以好好的活着, 而我...也不会再坚持...
a letter to ric's mum
hi julie,
i am a fren of ric. my name is james. i know ric's story. and i know nicholas as well.
heard that ric's is not goin for op. i am very very sad. and i can imagine how hard u and ric's father feel. i am really sorry.
ric will talk to me whenever he felt sad lately. i dun know his family, and i dun know his circle of frens. i am here just to let u know how is ric's feeling.
he miss u.. so much. he miss home so much. but, he has nowhere to return to. because he did not know where u are. he would pray just to hear your voice when he is in pain.
please do not think that nicholas is the one who can give him comfort, security and love. and please do not think that nicholas would be the one he would like to spend the remaining time with.
he always tell me that his family loves him so much and he might not be able to return their love.
he loves u... more than anything.
i am not going to give up on him!
i will not cry anymore
i will pray
and be there if he needs me
sorry to bother u
and thanks for everything
pls take good care of yourself
may god's blessing always be with u and eric.
stranger,
james
i am a fren of ric. my name is james. i know ric's story. and i know nicholas as well.
heard that ric's is not goin for op. i am very very sad. and i can imagine how hard u and ric's father feel. i am really sorry.
ric will talk to me whenever he felt sad lately. i dun know his family, and i dun know his circle of frens. i am here just to let u know how is ric's feeling.
he miss u.. so much. he miss home so much. but, he has nowhere to return to. because he did not know where u are. he would pray just to hear your voice when he is in pain.
please do not think that nicholas is the one who can give him comfort, security and love. and please do not think that nicholas would be the one he would like to spend the remaining time with.
he always tell me that his family loves him so much and he might not be able to return their love.
he loves u... more than anything.
i am not going to give up on him!
i will not cry anymore
i will pray
and be there if he needs me
sorry to bother u
and thanks for everything
pls take good care of yourself
may god's blessing always be with u and eric.
stranger,
james
Friday, June 19, 2009
再见了...陈伟华
已经有一段时间了，自己还在吗？我还生活在这个空间里吗？我还属于这里吗？
我不敢在部落格里留下这段日子的记忆和心情，我不想回忆我们在一起快乐的日子，不想回忆他离开我的日子，不想呼吸那没有氧气的空气，我想抹掉一切和他的回忆。
还在犹豫他有苦衷吗？
如果真正爱一个人，不管天崩地裂，海枯石烂，都不会舍弃你。这... 是爱
我曾经爱他,不管天崩地裂,海枯石烂,都不会离开他.
他... 并不爱我, 可能只是喜欢.
看了他的部落各,故事多么的动人,为的是什么?让大家了解他有苦衷?
在这段故事发生的时候,有一个人,一个不值得一提的小角色,在这段感天动地的爱情故事里,默默地在他生命里的某个角落,为他耕耘,为他担心,为他付出.这个小角色对他的爱,并不凄美, 并不感人.那就... 抹杀吧?!
"爱你到我剩下最后一口气" 是我对你真正的承诺,但这句话却常挂在你嘴边,而我却从来没说出口.
他... 一定会回到我身边
但他并不知道,一切都太迟了, 不管有什么惊世的苦衷,一切都因为他的任性,回不了过去.
我很想和他白头偕老,但,就只能等下辈子,在和他成为夫妻.
再见了...陈伟华
我不敢在部落格里留下这段日子的记忆和心情，我不想回忆我们在一起快乐的日子，不想回忆他离开我的日子，不想呼吸那没有氧气的空气，我想抹掉一切和他的回忆。
还在犹豫他有苦衷吗？
如果真正爱一个人，不管天崩地裂，海枯石烂，都不会舍弃你。这... 是爱
我曾经爱他,不管天崩地裂,海枯石烂,都不会离开他.
他... 并不爱我, 可能只是喜欢.
看了他的部落各,故事多么的动人,为的是什么?让大家了解他有苦衷?
在这段故事发生的时候,有一个人,一个不值得一提的小角色,在这段感天动地的爱情故事里,默默地在他生命里的某个角落,为他耕耘,为他担心,为他付出.这个小角色对他的爱,并不凄美, 并不感人.那就... 抹杀吧?!
"爱你到我剩下最后一口气" 是我对你真正的承诺,但这句话却常挂在你嘴边,而我却从来没说出口.
他... 一定会回到我身边
但他并不知道,一切都太迟了, 不管有什么惊世的苦衷,一切都因为他的任性,回不了过去.
我很想和他白头偕老,但,就只能等下辈子,在和他成为夫妻.
再见了...陈伟华
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
烂坚强
分手已有大概十五天了
每天自己还是会去看他的profile
总是扮得很坚强的，很大方的祝福他们，自己每次都暗地里在偷偷难过
唉。。。 这就是我
我很爱他，没错
只能怪自己爱了一个不该爱的人
我不能强逼他再爱我，我。。。只能让我自己不再爱他
是时候放开了，会不舍得不是因为害怕找不到更好的，而是因为自己‘爱了’他
生日快到了，其实很怕自己一个人过生日，虽然朋友会陪我，但，还是会害怕单身的生日
他对我的承诺一直在我耳边响起，一直一刀一刀地往我心上割
我几时才会听不见呢？
很快。。。很快。。。
每天自己还是会去看他的profile
总是扮得很坚强的，很大方的祝福他们，自己每次都暗地里在偷偷难过
唉。。。 这就是我
我很爱他，没错
只能怪自己爱了一个不该爱的人
我不能强逼他再爱我，我。。。只能让我自己不再爱他
是时候放开了，会不舍得不是因为害怕找不到更好的，而是因为自己‘爱了’他
生日快到了，其实很怕自己一个人过生日，虽然朋友会陪我，但，还是会害怕单身的生日
他对我的承诺一直在我耳边响起，一直一刀一刀地往我心上割
我几时才会听不见呢？
很快。。。很快。。。
Sunday, May 17, 2009
最后一封信
在这个圈子里，合了又分，分了又合，一而再，再而三地为感情肝肠寸断，一直不停的轮回着，到底会到什么时候，才能够解脱，得到实实在在的幸福？一辈子？在一个二十年过后，我们剩下的是什么？人老珠黄，孤独终老？我清楚地知道我不能让自己这样下去。如果我也像其他人一样让我的感情和欲望继续放纵， 在很早以前，我已经和你分开了，不会等到今天，我对感情的那份坚持，让你伤了我一次又一次。是时候长大了宝贝...
还记得你给我的一个愿望吗?
我不在你身边的时候,好好照顾自己.
请实现我的愿望
珍重.
还记得你给我的一个愿望吗?
我不在你身边的时候,好好照顾自己.
请实现我的愿望
珍重.
Friday, May 1, 2009
游子篇
听着prettywoman， 心情好了一些。。。
到这里已经六天了，在医院工作也有两天了，我，怎么都觉得不太对呢？每次上完班走回家的路，总是那么孤单和漫长，心里总是说不出的难受，拿起了电话，总是拨那两个熟悉的号码，给两个我放不下的人， 一个是我妈，一个是他。曾几何时，那已成了我的习惯。我选择到这里工作，很大原因也是为了他们。
我做对决定了吗？我会后悔吗？现在回头还来得及！ 。。。脑海里不断地浮现这个念头。
我不能这么轻易放弃，我知道这是个适应期，一个过渡期，一切一定会好起来的。我问我自己，我什么时候都可以潇洒的离开，为什么是现在？
对于和他将来会怎么样？我很想让自己憧憬着美丽的未来，但，我现实的那一面，阻止着我的奢望，我知道他要是知道我不敢抱着希望，一定会失望生气，但我真的无法自拔，深怕跌倒了爬不起来。我很爱他， 我。。。很想念他。电话里，总是不敢流露太多心理的不安和想念，就因为自己不习惯让别人看见自己脆弱无助的一面。所以，别人自然而然很难理解对方在自己心里有多重要。我告诉我妈我想家，她竟然不相信。唉。。。又有谁会相信呢？
我喜欢自己的工作吗？我是一个真正的医生吗？我适合吗？自己开始质疑自己的初衷。我要什么？我将来要怎么样？我的一生要怎么过？一直不停地问自己。理想顿时变成了工作，热衷顿时变成了责任。我。。。变质了吗？
我。。。还没准备好。
到这里已经六天了，在医院工作也有两天了，我，怎么都觉得不太对呢？每次上完班走回家的路，总是那么孤单和漫长，心里总是说不出的难受，拿起了电话，总是拨那两个熟悉的号码，给两个我放不下的人， 一个是我妈，一个是他。曾几何时，那已成了我的习惯。我选择到这里工作，很大原因也是为了他们。
我做对决定了吗？我会后悔吗？现在回头还来得及！ 。。。脑海里不断地浮现这个念头。
我不能这么轻易放弃，我知道这是个适应期，一个过渡期，一切一定会好起来的。我问我自己，我什么时候都可以潇洒的离开，为什么是现在？
对于和他将来会怎么样？我很想让自己憧憬着美丽的未来，但，我现实的那一面，阻止着我的奢望，我知道他要是知道我不敢抱着希望，一定会失望生气，但我真的无法自拔，深怕跌倒了爬不起来。我很爱他， 我。。。很想念他。电话里，总是不敢流露太多心理的不安和想念，就因为自己不习惯让别人看见自己脆弱无助的一面。所以，别人自然而然很难理解对方在自己心里有多重要。我告诉我妈我想家，她竟然不相信。唉。。。又有谁会相信呢？
我喜欢自己的工作吗？我是一个真正的医生吗？我适合吗？自己开始质疑自己的初衷。我要什么？我将来要怎么样？我的一生要怎么过？一直不停地问自己。理想顿时变成了工作，热衷顿时变成了责任。我。。。变质了吗？
我。。。还没准备好。
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